Beneath the Surface

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We've all experienced moments and situations where the people in our lives are living and going about their day and everything's seems normal until the slightest comment or the smallest disagreement or change in pace can set off a fume and the next you know your getting cussed out or yelled at and just can't seem to understand what changed. We then discover that an underlying issue has been bothering our friend, lover, or family member for a long time that seemed to have been bottled up. Sometimes it will be many years later that things come up to the surface. We tend to bottle things in, hold on to our past, and never really deal with some of our issues, hence the need for psychologists and therapy. We even sometimes go along thinking these emotions are bottled away when really they manifest and come out in the form of  a fight with our loved ones, emotional break-downs, illness and disease, or repeated life experiences and problems. I know at times I've even felt like some of my emotional pains runs so deep I can't even remember the real cause...I only know how I feel now as a result of it. And honestly trying to dig that deep can be painful and uncomfortable.

For this reason, I think we do a lot of running away from ourselves and our truths as well as a lot of DISTRACTION which is easy in this information age where our busy lives and social networks keep us highly focused on the outside. I think our spiritual journey begins at birth, well definitely even before then, however I became more conscious and aware of my 5 years ago when I felt a deep need to know and experience my connection to spirit for myself. I made attempts at meditating regularly, explored vegetarianism/veganism, devoured spiritual books, and really became a seeker of truth and with a desire to go within for the truth.

Somewhere down the line I got frustrated and tired of all of it. The inner turmoil and emotions within me got the best of me at times and I simply didn't know what to do with them while dealing with the world and all of the outwardly activities we engage in. I also kept running away from the activities that would really give me the awareness and introspection to heal. We live in a world where focusing on our outward state is more glorified. What you are doing with yourself is sometimes greater than "How are you feeling?" I mean who other than therapists really says that?!

This post says it all:

Most of us prioritize externally oriented attention. When we think of attention, we often think of focusing on something outside of ourselves. We "pay attention" to work, the TV, our partner, traffic, or anything that engages our senses. However, a whole other world exists that most of us are far less aware of: an internal world, with its varied landscape of emotions, feelings, and sensations. Yet it is often the internal world that determines whether we are having a good day or not, whether we are happy or unhappy. That’s why we can feel angry despite beautiful surroundings or feel perfectly happy despite being stuck in traffics. For this reason perhaps, this newly discovered pathway of attention may hold the key to greater well-being.
Although this internal world of feelings and sensations dominates perception in babies, it becomes increasingly foreign and distant as we learn to prioritize the outside world.  Because we don’t pay as much attention to our internal world, it often takes us by surprise. - Emma Seppala, The Creativity Post

We can run for as long as we want. We can distract ourselves daily with all kinds of stuff, people, and outwardly goals or activities but we still hear the whispers of our hearts, we still breakdown uncontrollably every once in a while, and simply get tired of all of the distractions. And once again we realize we can't move forward like this, we must surrender...and get back in tune with our true selves.

with Love,

nawala